stress + competition= getting me crazy

its really a kind af stress..
non-stop training; pressure from master; the path to achieve faster speed; try to slim down 5 kg within 3 week, which is consider as extraordinary for me..

keep telling myself, you must keep going. But what is it for??
to satisfy my pride? to torture myself? Its' so sad to mention that I started to feel tired..
But there is a need to keep going, not for your own sack, but for those that had put hope on you.

still remember the days i train for MASUM..
Although it was tired also, but there are friends around me and keep supporting me..

But SUKMA training was different, just don't know why, its too pressure..
when tired,i keep telling myself, dont give up, it is the path you chosen, should brave up and be strong..
But when the unending sickness attack me, I really fall inTO desperation, why it cant just leave me alone, why keep stick to me..Please dont try to destroy my determination..

still wondering why I insist to join SUKMA?there are always conflicts between me and inner soul of me.. An aspiration from that competition keep pushing me to a higher level. Although i knew that the chance i stand at your level is limited, but at least, I will try my best..Thanks for giving such a wonderful dream for me to achive..

**Actually, i knew the truth behind it..cant be deny that the six sense of gemini is very strong.. Sometime, i rather pretend that i dont know everything, just live in my world and dont care much about others feeling..Just hide and seek protection from turtle shell..Just bury my head into the sand as ostrich usually behave..But then, in reality, i just care too much..**

~~Only allowing you to rest for one day.. By tomorrow, you need to stand up again and face obstacle in life..hiding yourself from troubles is not great way to settle problems..Need to brave up yourself with the path you chosen..gambate!!!~~